Everybody's a little bit Racist
by IceCrome
Summary: The Akatsuki members sing about racism. [OneShot. Songfic]


_Eregrhetwehrekwjh! AVENUE Q!!!!_

_I LOVE that damn song. It won't ever beat out Overkill, but…yeah…it's awesome._

_Alright…so…_

_Song © Avenue Q/The person who wrote said song_

_Characters © Masashi Kishimoto Oh, and if you're Polack, please don't take any offense._

_And Italics mean singing._

_--------------------------------------_

HA.

No stupid introduction! LET'S GET TO THE POINT!

"Say Itachi, can I ask you a question?" Kisame looked towards his totally _not_ blind partner. Itachi sighed, and looked up from his book.

"Sure."

"Well, you know Tobi upstairs?"

"Uh-Huh."

"Well he's Tobi Uchiha and you're Itachi Uchiha."

"Right."

"You're both Uchiha's." Itachi quirked a brow, wanting to know where this was going.

"Yeah."

"…Are you two closely related?" Itachi was taken aback.

"What!?! Kisame, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist."

"Oh, well…I'm sorry! I was just asking!"

"Well, it's a touchy subject. No, not _all_ Uchiha's are closely related. What are you trying to say, huh?! That we look the same to you? Huh? Huh?! HUH?!" Kisame put his hands up in defense.

"No, no, no, not at all. I guess that was a little racist." Kisame shrugged.

"I should say so. You should be more careful when you're talking about that sensitive subject of race."

"Well, look who's talking!" Itachi folded his arms.

"What do you mean?!"

"Well, you know that one special ability that you have?"

"What about it?"

"Could someone like me have it?"

"No, we don't think people like you-."

"You see!

_You're a little bit racist_."

"_Well you're a little bit too_." Itachi sang.

"_I guess we're both a little bit racist_."

"_Admitting it is not an easy thing to do_." Itachi did not realize that he was singing. Nor did Kisame.

"_But I guess it's true_."

"_Between me and you I think_…"

They started to sing harmoniously.

"_Everyone's a little bit racist  
Sometimes.  
Doesn't mean we go  
Around committing hate crimes.  
Look around and you will find  
No one's really color blind.  
Maybe it's a fact  
We all should face  
Everyone makes judgments  
Based on race_."

"Now not big judgments like where to get our weapons from or who to hire in the Akatsuki-." Kisame stated rather bluntly.

"No!"

"No, just little judgments like how foreign members should learn to speak goddamn English!"

"Right."

They continued to sing harmoniously again.

"_Everyone's a little bit racist  
Today.  
So, everyone's a little bit racist  
Okay!  
Ethnic jokes might be uncouth,  
But you laugh because  
They're based on truth.  
Don't take them as  
Personal attacks.  
Everyone enjoys them -  
So relax!_"

"Alright Itachi, stop me if you've heard this one." Itachi giggled OOCly.

"Okay!"

"There's a plane going down and there's only one parachute. And there's a Rabbi, a Priest-."

"And a Blond!" Conveniently, our favorite pyromaniac blond entered the scene.

"Watchoo talkin' bout' Kisame?!" Deidara said, very Gary-Coleman like.

"Uh…"

"You were telling a blond joke!" Deidara said angrily.

"Well sure Deidara, but lots of people tell blond jokes." Kisame said calmly.

"I don't."

"Well of course _you_ don't, you're blond. But I bet you tell Polack jokes!" Deidara laughed at Kisame's statement.

"Well sure I do! Those stupid Polacks!"

"Now don't you think that's little racist?" Kisame pointed it out.

"…Damn. I guess you're right."

"_You're a little bit racist._" Itachi started to sing.

"_Well you're a little bit too._" Deidara joined them.

"_We're a little bit racist_." Kisame sang.

"_I think that I would have to agree with you._" Deidara, surprisingly, had a nice singing voice.

"_We're glad you do!_" Kisame and Itachi sang harmoniously.

"_It's sad but true. Everyone's a little bit racist, all right_?!"

"_Alright_!" Kisame chirped.

"_Alright_!" Itachi chimed in.

"_Alright! Bigotry has never been exclusively white_."

"_If we all could just admit, that we were racist a little bit_," They all sang together, "_Even though we all know that it's wrong. _

_Maybe it could help us…_

_Get along_."

"Oh Christ do I feel good!" The shark-man smiled.

"Now there was a fine, upstanding blond man!"

"…Who?!" Kisame asked Deidara.

"Jesus Christ!"

"But…Deidara…Jesus was a brunette." Itachi argued.

"No, I'm pretty sure he was blond-." Kisame interjected.

"Guys, guys! Jesus…was a red-head." They all laughed merrily.

"Hey guys, what're you laughing about?" Their leader joined in.

"Racism!" Deidara said, wiping the tears from his face.

"PEIN! Come back here! You take out-Oooh! New nail polish at K-Mart!" Konan yelled from the other room.

"What?" Kisame asked.

"Um…she's only female …" They all laughed.

"Hey! Don't laugh at her! She's the only female in this place!"

"Oh come off it leader!" Itachi said. "_Everyone's a little bit racist._"

"I'm not!"

"Oh no?" Kisame raised a brow.

"Nope! _How many girly wives have you got_?"

"What? Pein!"

"_Pein ol' buddy, where've you been? The term isn't Girly-American_!" Kisame said, putting an arm around his leader.

"_I know you are not intending to be--…_

_But calling me girly…_

_Is Offensive to me_." Pein sighed.

"I'm sorry honey! I love you!" Konan sighed audibly.

"And I love you."

"But you're racist too." Konan smiled.

"Yes. I know."

"_The Hyuuga's have all the money _

_and the Hokage's have all the power._

_And I'm always on mission_

_With the man who doesn't shower!_"

"Me too!" Not-Pein said.

"Me too!" Itachi said.

"I can't even get a mission!" Deidara complained. They didn't listen to him, and sang in harmony.

"_Everyone's a little bit racist  
It's true.  
But everyone is just about  
As racist as you!  
If we all could just admit  
That we are racist a little bit,  
And everyone stopped being  
So PC  
Maybe we could live in -  
Harmony!" _

"Everyone's a little bit racist!" Konan finished off.

Everybody blinked, and Pein opened his mouth.

"Let us _never_ speak of this again."

--------------------------------------------

_AAGH!_

_I couldn't think of a good-part with Konan! RAWR._

_Oh well. R&R, flame for all I care._


End file.
